a life without facebook...

I've quit facebook. Decided that instant up to date website is not what is needed in my life right now. Focus on me. Focus on Lauren. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do this but I figure why not try. I've been talking about the stuff going on with different family members and friends and at first I thought I'd feel ashamed. I thought I'd want to hide my dirty little secrets, but now I'm glad I haven't. The more people I open up to the more insight I'm given. The more encouragement I receive. The more prayer lists I get placed on.... never a bad thing. My whole life has lead up to this moment. Time to deal with everything that every got swept under the rug or drowned in the pool. Now is when I start to deal with it all. Honestly, I don't know how to deal with it all correctly. I was telling my aunt that I'm the type that usually requires a manual or list to follow. I need a guideline to go off of to make sure I'm doing "it right." And that right there has always been my problem... with everything. Am I doing this right? Am I loving God right? Am I being a good enough sibling? Friend? Am I being the best possible soldier that I can be? Am I? Am I? Am I? Never once have I been certain in what I was doing. I just went with it. If I got positive results I stayed the course. If I didn't, I changed it up. This is how I need to tackle being a christian. The bible is my book to follow but even that cannot give me all the answers. I must learn to walk by faith. Sometimes faith is walking blindly into the darkness for days just because you haven't been turned around yet. I have to believe that God had a plan for me. I have to believe that He knows what He's doing. I just have to trust and obey. Harder than it sounds but I have this feeling that this path I'm on is going to be utterly life changing. The Holy Spirit is doing things inside of me that I cannot explain. I feel scared and invigorated all in the same breathe. My life is at the lowest it's been in a while but this is where I was needed to be in order to see how much I needed you.