*Hate - I hate my dad for leaving me. Why did he go? And than, why did he pick some new family? He saw what was happening but he stood by and he offered no help, financially or physically. It was like we had become nothing. Not good enough to talk to. Not good enough to love. Plain and simple... just not good enough.
*Hopelessness - When would it end? Does he even care beyond words that didn't start happening until I was an adult? Why was his choice always them over me? Why did he feel like he had to choose? Why now can he not even acknowledge the fact that he fucked up? I made the effort for a man who would not make the effort for me.
*Forgiveness - I don't think I'll ever understand how. God, I realize that his answers would never be good enough for me. I feel emotionally broken because of him. Help me to hit those emotions head on and with your encouragement and strength I can plow right thru them. Give me strength to forgive him for all that he's done. I don't want him to have that control over my life. He's my father, yes; but he's nothing more. I love him but I do not want to become who he is. My heart desires to be like you, Lord. I'm open to be filled with your Holy Spirit. I have cast my doubts aside and I know I can talk with you. I know I can trust you and that you will not abandon me. I want consistency and truth. I love you, Lord.
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