poetic collage

Mirror: Who am I?

I know who I am in you.

I may not be sure of what I'm doing right now but that doesn't matter to me.

I'm so excited to have found you, I mean REALLY found you.

For the first time in forever I feel like I'm doing what I'm meant to do.

Dancing Musical Notes

Thru the beats. The world moved in pieces. Dancing, bubbly beats. Falling down countless floors. Beats are my parachute. They keep me from crashing to my death. I awake to a dance club... a sea of people. Joy fills my heart.

I'm not You.

I refuse to become who I hate when I look at you. The more I try to avoid becoming you, the more I see your traits in my life. I shut down. I solve my problems with alcohol. I turn into the asshole that you are. I verbally assault those that I care about and than they excuse my behavior cause they know I'm drunk. I've turned into you by trying to avoid.

Strength

I need it to survive.

I don't know what to do, where to go.

Who am I?

Help me! Be my life vest in this sea of uncertainty.

I want to make it thru.

I know that thru you is the only way.

I did get myself here but I will never reach my full potential without you.

They may not believe me; think that I've lost my mind but I know I'm walking towards the person you see me as.

I'm trusting in your word and your promises. Shower me with your grace and mercy. Love me. Fill me with strength to continue moving forward.

ARE WE THERE YET?

Real questions, unreal answers. Who am I? Who do you want me to be? I'm not who I was and I don't know if you can accept who I've become. I have less answers. I put someone before you. As a result, you see me as secretive. A liar among you and your holiness. "Other people want me too." Is this what we've come to? Distrust and jealousy? I have no time for that in my life. It is a part I choose to keep out. You're unhappy with my decision, therefore you accuse me of being a hypocrite. Picking and choosing from the bible to fit my homofueled lifestyle. What, if you bash me enough, I'll come running back? Wrong. I'll go moving on.

Weary / Illness

I too am weary. I wonder how can God allow hard times to continue to fall on my life. Mom's dead. Both grandma's are dead. Sam's gone. Multiple other family members are no longer around. Why? To prove a point. To remind me that He's all powerful. What did I do? Was I off the track and this was necessary to grab my attention. What lesson was I needing to learn? I wonder if these things didn't back track me away from God. Now I see they draw me closer to Him. Each tear, every heartache, every funeral brought me closer to Him. I started seeking him out. Asking questions. Reading my bible. I'm here now with no idea of what step to take next. Which direction, Lord? He answers, "Wait, trust me." Honestly, I'm scared. I've been hurt by people who I've trusted. Wounded eyes are looking at God now. He's my constant. He's my soul. His love comforts me. He is why I need to trust. My obstacle is continual hurt. All the past and pain that comes with it. God's asking me to leap. Trust him. With my life, my $, my heart, and my future. He won't let me down. How do I trust? Pray. Don't worry. Follow my heart.

Be love

embrace Him. continue seeking. never stop growing.

Isaiah 40:28-31